


It's Not the End of You Yet

by underneathitall



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Purgatory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-12
Updated: 2013-03-12
Packaged: 2017-12-05 02:50:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/718007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underneathitall/pseuds/underneathitall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel barely make it out of Purgatory alive</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not the End of You Yet

Castiel was sitting next to the river, splashing water on his face. It was night, but that made no difference. He never slept, especially not here.

His trench coat was permanently filthy, and all of his clothes underneath it were bloody and torn up. Cas was paranoid being out in the open like this, for no matter how long. Emotions weren’t typical for him, and yet here he was: ridden with the most horrendous anxiety he could imagine.

All Castiel cared about was knowing where the Leviathans were, in order to keep Dean safe. It physically pained him to have to be away from Dean for this long in such an awful place, but he had to be. Castiel was constantly trying to convince himself that this actually was the right thing to do, and that everything was better this way. He deserved to be here, after all.

Then they started again: Dean’s prayers. Cas heard them every night, and it took every ounce of strength that he had to not go to him. Listening to Dean sound that helpless night after night was starting to take a toll on him. Cas could feel his sanity slipping, but that was nothing new.

He held his head in his hands and sighed as he heard Dean’s voice.

“Hey Cas,” Dean started, like he did most nights. “Where the hell are you? I know it’s been a while, but you can’t be gone. Listen, I think we have a real shot at finally getting out of here… and I’m not leaving without you.”

Cas was shaking now, and he felt tears in his eyes. There were no words to describe the ache in his chest and the nearly unbearable urge to scream. Scream because he let Dean down, scream because he can’t help Dean now, and scream for everything that he destroyed.

“You’re out there somewhere, I know that,” Dean continued, his voice almost breaking. “But I don’t know why you aren’t answering. I need you. Whatever’s happening, buddy, I’ll help. I’m here. Just, please… come back to me.”

The prayer stopped there, and Cas felt tears come down his face in the horribly still silence. He couldn’t keep this up much longer, and was well aware that he was about to break.

Even so, Castiel knew that going to Dean wasn’t an option. He would put Dean in even more danger. Most of the monsters in Purgatory couldn’t kill Cas, but they would have no problem killing Dean, and that terrified him. He couldn’t live knowing he was the reason Dean died.

So he sat here and waited, and thought about everything he’d done. But that only made things worse, so he tried to push on and keep moving.

In the darkness he could at least stay still and possibly go unnoticed; a luxury he couldn’t afford when it was light out.

After several more hours of sitting by the river, it started to become light again. With a struggled movement, Castiel hoisted himself up and began walking just inside the edge of the forest.  
He followed the river. That’s all he ever did. There was no rhyme or reason to it; that was just all he knew how to do. It made sense, so he stuck with it. Castiel’s only weapon was a considerably large handmade knife, from the sharpened bone of a creature he killed. It was too long ago now for him to even remember what it was.

Soon into his journey he heard a branch snap behind him. As soon as he turned around, a rabid animal resembling a wolf came lunging forward, trying to attack him.

Cas barely dodged it, earning a few gashes on his upper arm in the process. He pulled the knife out as he and the animal walked in circles around each other. As he anticipated, the wolf attacked first, and Castiel plunged the knife into the beast’s chest. A light shone out of the animal’s mouth as it howled in pain and then became motionless.

Satisfied that the thing was dead, Castiel took the knife out of it with a sickening noise and continued walking, blade out.

He walked for several more hours, and grew increasingly tired. But no matter how exhausted he was, he had to keep going. It was automatic for him now, to continue to push through.

Yet another branch snapped behind him, and he blindly swung with the knife, too wiped out to care.

“Easy there, Cas!” Dean yelled as he skillfully ducked down, out of the knife’s way.

“Dean,” was all Castiel managed to choke out, staring at him for the first time in months.

Dean didn’t say anything. He just stepped forward and hugged Cas like nothing else mattered. And in that moment, nothing else did.

Castiel hesitated slightly, but wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck and hugged him back. He turned his head and buried it where Dean’s neck and shoulder met. Normally this would have been weird, especially for Dean, but under the circumstances, Cas still wasn’t close enough.

Castiel had no idea how long they stayed like that, but eventually he stepped back and looked at Dean again. They both had tears in their eyes.

“I’m so glad to see you, man. I missed you,” Dean said, a sad smile on his face. “Where the hell were you?”

Hearing Dean say the same words from his prayers stung, but Cas tried not to show it.

“I’ve been here…I’ve been walking,” Castiel said.

“Didn’t you ever hear me though?” Dean’s expression and tone suddenly hardened. “I prayed to you, Cas. _Every night_. ”

“I know,” Castiel replied softly. He silently hoped Dean didn’t hear it.

“You know, and you didn’t…” Dean trailed off, getting more upset. “What the hell’s wrong with you?”

The disappointment in Dean’s voice cut through Castiel like a knife.

Dean saw the hurt expression come over Cas’s face, and immediately regretted the way that came out.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Castiel said, ashamed. “I truly thought it was for the best that you didn’t find me. A part of me still does.”

“Why?” Dean asked.

“The Leviathans. They’re after me, I’ve got a price on my head, and I can’t be around you. I’ve been trying to stay one step ahead of them to…” Castiel said, trying to regain his composure. “To keep them away from you.”

Dean looked slightly taken aback. “Well, you’re not getting rid of me that easy,” he said.

Cas just stared at him, like he couldn’t decide how he felt.

“I suppose not,” Castiel said while he attempted to smile.

“So since you’ve been listening, you want to meet the guy who can help us get out of here?” Dean asked, motioning backwards into the forest.

The angel just nodded, and Dean called out.

“Benny,” Dean yelled. “Come here, I found Cas.”

A man stepped into view, and Castiel immediately knew he was a vampire. A confused look fell upon his face.

“Cas, this is Benny. He’s been helping me along. Benny, this is Cas,” Dean introduced.

“Hey, Cas,” Benny said with clear disdain. “Glad you finally decided to show up.”

Castiel nodded cautiously, unsure of what to do.

“ _Hey_ ,” Dean said sharply, turning his attention to Benny. “Cut the shit. He’s here now, that’s all that matters.”

Dean looked back and forth between them and grabbed Cas’s shoulder.

“Let’s go,” Dean said.

They spent the remaining hour of daylight fighting off demons and other monsters before it got dark and they found a place to sit for the night. Cas sat down, dejected, and Dean looked at him longingly.

“I’ll give you guys some space. Scope the area, make sure it’s okay,” Benny said.

Dean nodded and sat down next to Cas, who acknowledged him with a pained look in his eyes before staring at the ground again. Dean glanced at the angel’s arm and noticed the blood and fresh cuts that were there from his encounter with the wolf-like beast.

“What happened?” Dean asked.

“Nothing,” Castiel said flatly.

“Are you at least gonna be okay?” Dean asked, genuinely concerned with the severity of the wounds.

“I’ll live,” Castiel said emotionlessly.

Dean waited a moment, worrying about the angel.

“Alright,” Dean said, defeated. “What’s going on?”

Castiel stared at him. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean,” Dean said, almost accusingly. “You spaced out on me, man, are you okay?”

“Dean, really, it’s nothing,” Cas said, rejecting the conversation.

“No, Cas, you don’t get to do that,” Dean said, still staring at him while Castiel looked into the forest ahead of him.

“Do what, Dean?” Castiel asked, sounding annoyed.

“Shut me out,” Dean stated.

That made Cas look at him.

“Not now,” Dean said, searching the angel’s eyes. “You’re not okay. So just fucking talk to me.”

Dean was begging now, that much was clear.

“I should be dead by now,” Castiel said so softly it was practically a whisper. He was looking directly into Dean’s eyes, and found that that sentence was much harder to say out loud than he thought. “I deserve to be dead. This is no place for an angel, especially one like me. And if I wasn’t such a coward I’d be gone already.” Castiel was shaking now.

“Don’t you dare say that,” Dean said sternly, maintaining eye contact with Cas. “You don’t deserve to die, sure as hell not in a place like this. Cas, just…please don’t kill yourself, okay? I couldn't live with that.”

The angel nodded. There may not have been any words, but it was a promise all the same.

“Now,” Dean said shakily, trying to change the subject. “We’re gonna make it out of here.”

“How?” Castiel asked.

“Benny heard there’s a portal somewhere. All three of us might be able to get through it,” Dean said.

“There are too many of us,” Cas said, shaking his head. “You’re the only one who’d be able to do it, if that.”

Dean stared back at him. “You’re coming with me. And that’s not an option,” he said defiantly.

Cas tried to smile. “Thank you, Dean,” he said. “For everything.”

Dean was still fighting the urge the cry as he tried to smile as well, and he was almost overwhelmed by the broken and beautiful angel here with him: The only thing that kept him going through this never ending nightmare.

Dean slowly put his hand on the side of Castiel’s neck and lingered there, searching for any signs of protest. When he saw none, he leaned in, lightly pulled Cas’s face towards his own, and kissed him.

He felt Castiel come undone and relax into the kiss, giving in to his feelings for once in his life. Dean tilted their heads up slightly to help their lips meet more securely, and dropped his hand to Castiel’s waist, which pulled him in impossibly closer.

They could have stayed like that for a few seconds, minutes, or hours, Dean didn’t know.

Dean was the one who stopped first, but his lips were still against Cas’s. “You needed to know that,” Dean whispered.

“Dean,” was all the angel whispered back. His angel.

Dean smiled, his first genuine smile in a long time, and connected his mouth to Castiel’s once again.

When they pulled apart, Castiel rested his head on Dean’s shoulder, and Dean still had one arm wrapped around Cas’s waist. He could feel Castiel shivering, so he grabbed him even tighter and intertwined his fingers in Castiel’s with his other hand.

If Benny ever came back that night, he didn’t make himself known. Dean and Cas stayed like that until the next morning, when Benny came out from behind a tree.

“We’re burning daylight,” Benny said, not paying any attention to the way that Dean and the angel were resting.

Benny walked into the distance, most likely giving them some privacy before they caught up to him.

Castiel lifted his head, but stayed sitting for a moment, collecting his thoughts.

Dean leaned over and nuzzled his face into Cas’s neck, kissing it softly before he went back to sitting upright.

“Are you ready?” Dean asked.

“As I can be, I suppose,” Castiel replied, staring at their hands.

“Hopefully we'll find the damn thing today,” Dean said as he dropped his arms from Cas and stood up.

“Hopefully. We can get more done with the three of us,” Cas agreed, standing up as well.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist and tugged him against him for a kiss. Their tongues met for a few brief seconds before the hunter pulled back slightly.

“Let’s not waste any time then,” Dean said teasingly as he leaned down to grab his knife.

Castiel smirked and followed Dean out to where Benny was waiting.

“Let’s get started,” Benny said, walking farther into the mess of tangled trees that constantly surrounded them.

“Where exactly is this portal?” Cas asked.

“It’s around the east end of the forest, near a clearing,” Benny replied. “Only problem is: we don’t have compasses or any of that, so we have to keep going until we find it.”

They trudged on in silence for a while, and then another vampire jumped out in their path. She had blood all over her face and stood there staring at them, screaming.

She clearly wasn’t in her right mind, so Dean stepped forward and cut her head off as she made a run for him. It was an easy kill.

“Dumb bitch,” Dean commented as he watched her head roll slightly downhill.

Benny smirked and went back to leading the way.

They walked like this for what seemed like an eternity, and then the forest ended. There was a clearing in sight, and the three men looked at each other, none of them wanting to be the first to openly express hope.

But then they saw the dark rip through the air with light emanating from it.

Dean grabbed Castiel’s hand and the three of them made a run for it.

Sure enough, just as they got to the portal, Leviathans dropped from nowhere. They made their way towards Cas, and it was now a race for who would get to the portal first. Luckily, the Leviathans were a pretty far distance off.

Benny was first to jump through, but he needed Dean’s humanity if he wanted to get anywhere.

Dean was still holding the angel’s hand as he tried to climb through the portal, when he felt Cas try to shove him away.

“Cas, what the fuck are you doing?!” Dean yelled frantically, firmly gripping his hand again. “We have to go!”

“We can’t all make it,” Castiel shouted back. “You can get out of here though, Dean. Go. It’s okay.”

“You’re not doing this to me, Cas,” Dean said firmly. “I won’t leave you. I’m not letting you give up.”

The Leviathans were catching up quickly, and Castiel looked back at them, then at Dean. There was no changing Dean’s mind, regardless of what happened, so Cas went.

Dean yanked Castiel with him through the portal, and all three of them tumbled out of it in the middle of another forest.

Benny coughed up some blood before he stood, but he was alright.

Dean was able to stand with great difficulty, but Castiel continued to lie where he was. Concern overcame Dean, and he knelt down to check on him. Soon he was able to see that Cas was breathing, which was a relief. 

“Thanks, man,” Benny said weakly. “You saved all of our asses back there.”

“No problem,” Dean replied, pulling Castiel up and steadying him by keeping an arm around his shoulders. “You saved mine more times than I can count.”

“Anytime,” Benny said, smiling. “Well, this is where we part ways, Dean. It’s been an honor.”

“Right back at you,” Dean said.

He watched Benny walk off, and then looked over at Cas: his absolutely wrecked angel.

Castiel had cuts all over his body and blood coming out of his mouth as he closed his eyes tightly to concentrate on breathing. He was alive…he hadn’t even expected that much. All he was aware of was Dean’s presence.

“We’re okay, Cas,” Dean said comfortingly. “Come on, let’s put you back together.”


End file.
